Creating Thirsty Horses
On Saturday, we headed out to Stellenbosch for a braai with our friends Raino and Marike, who live in an absolutely magical spot in the woods near Jonkershoek. It's the kind of place that reminds me of my childhood, where the outdoors was your playground, the boundaries were vaguely defined, and the only real instruction from your parents was to be back before dark. Our boys disappeared into the woods almost immediately, exploring, foraging, inventing games and generally behaving like the little adventurers they are. No iPads, no elaborate entertainment programme, and remarkably little parental intervention. Bliss.
Something similar had happened the day before. After arriving in Hermanus for an overnight stay (AJ had cricket on Saturday, which made for a busy weekend), I took the boys to explore the old harbour rocks while Caroline grabbed a client call. They enthusiastically explored this new environment, got naked in a rock pool, gathered some trophy shells, and generally lived their best lives. Boys being boys.
It got me thinking about our strategy for managing screen time at home. Like many parents, we've developed a reasonably sophisticated system of incentives and consequences. Complete your tasks, behave yourself, don't fight with your brother, and you earn your iPad time. Fail to comply, and that precious screen time gets reduced or disappears altogether. It's a system largely built around scarcity and loss avoidance. And while it produces results, it doesn't necessarily produce the outcome we're looking for: two boys who take responsibility for their own things, entertain themselves and don't require their parents to moonlight as UN peacekeepers.
Yet here we were, in the woods and on the rocks, achieving precisely that outcome without deploying a single threat, reward or negotiation. The difference wasn't better discipline. It was a different source of motivation. Exploration, curiosity… and the freedom to go for it!
My speaking coach, Rich Mulholland, has a wonderful way of reframing the old saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink." His challenge is to ask a much more interesting question: How do we create thirsty horses?
It's a deceptively simple shift. Instead of asking how to get people to do what we want, perhaps we should ask how to create the conditions in which they actually want to do it. Watching my boys disappear into the forest, it struck me that we hadn't needed to lead those particular horses anywhere. They were positively galloping towards the water.
The problem with the carrot and stick
The same problem shows up in business. Founders hire capable people, give them responsibilities and set expectations. Yet they still find themselves chasing deadlines, checking progress and reminding everyone what needs to happen next. The team might be doing what's required, but the founder is still doing the pushing.
Something similar happens with customers. Imagine a consulting company promising excellent outcomes and a better customer experience. The messaging is compelling, the proposal is signed, and everyone is excited. Then the client receives a welcome email, a lengthy questionnaire and a calendar invitation for another meeting. Three weeks later, they've completed plenty of administration but haven't experienced anything resembling the promised result.
The consulting company starts chasing participation, sending reminders and offering additional sessions. Sound familiar? We've successfully sold the promise, but forgotten to design the experience. We've led the horse to water, sent it a calendar invitation to drink, and followed up twice to check whether it's thirsty yet.
This is where I find Yu-kai Chou's Octalysis framework particularly useful. Chou describes eight drivers of human motivation, including accomplishment, creativity, ownership, social connection, curiosity, scarcity and loss avoidance.
What's fascinating is how easily we become dependent on one or two of these. At home, we've leaned heavily on scarcity and loss avoidance. In business, we often do the same with deadlines, reminders and the occasional mildly threatening follow-up email disguised as a friendly check-in.
But in the Stellenbosch woods, the boys were driven by curiosity, freedom to choose and the satisfaction of discovering something new. They weren't being managed. They were participating.
And that distinction matters when we're designing how customers experience our businesses, or how teams get work done.
Give them something worth participating in
Consider that consulting client again. Instead of beginning with forms and meetings, what if their first week involved identifying one worthwhile improvement, agreeing on who should own it and actually doing something about it? Suddenly, the client can see progress.
Better still, give them a choice between a few meaningful options and let them decide which to tackle first. Now they're exercising judgement, taking responsibility and experiencing the satisfaction of getting something done. Add a conversation with their account manager about what changed, and you've created human connection rather than another administrative checkpoint.
The same principle applies to our teams. If people can see why something matters, make sensible decisions and see the results of their efforts, there's a better chance they'll keep moving without the founder chasing every step. That's the freedom we're after. Not a team that does nothing unless we're watching, but one that can make progress while we're busy with clients, growing the business or enjoying a weekend with the family.
The trick isn't to turn everything into a game with badges and points. It's about understanding what genuinely motivates people and designing the experience accordingly. The first win creates the thirst for the next one.
Which brings me to Friday's rugby. After the Springboks' convincing performance against Italy, the prospect of France presents a fascinating contest. Both sides have serious quality, and it's precisely the uncertainty of the outcome that makes the anticipation so compelling. There's also the small matter of whether that BEST PLAYER EVER, Dupont, actually shows up against us. I may or may not manage to stay awake for the late kick-off, but there's a lovely irony in unpredictability motivating me to sacrifice sleep for a game whose outcome I cannot influence.
Perhaps the lesson for parenting and business is that we spend too much time trying to control behaviour and too little time creating environments where the behaviour we want becomes naturally rewarding.
PG's Pro Tip: Create thirsty horses
This week, take one customer journey and examine the first 30 days after purchase.
Map the experience. Identify every interaction from the moment the client says yes, including the awkward gaps where nothing meaningful happens.
Find the first real win. When does your client experience something worthwhile, rather than simply completing another step in your process?
Redesign one moment. Introduce visible progress, a genuine choice and an opportunity for human connection. Then test whether participation improves without relying on discounts, artificial urgency or gimmicky rewards.
The aim is a customer who can make progress without your team constantly chasing them, and a team that can deliver that experience without everything coming back to you.
Try this ChatGPT prompt:
"Act as my client-experience designer using Yu-kai Chou's Octalysis framework. We sell [OFFER] to [CLIENT GROUP], who want [OUTCOME]. Here is our current first-30-days customer journey: [JOURNEY].
Ask for missing details before making assumptions. Identify which motivational drivers are present, which appear absent and where we're relying on reminders, deadlines or pressure.
Design a revised journey with one meaningful early win, visible progress, a genuine client choice and an appropriate moment of human connection.
Assign each change an owner, timing, and an observable success measure. Show which decisions the team can make without founder approval.
Finish with one small experiment we can run next week, without discounts, invented scarcity or gimmicky rewards. Distinguish proposed improvements from proven results."
I'm going to be experimenting with a few different motivational drivers at home this week. Whether that results in two independently functioning young gentlemen or simply another creative way of avoiding tidying their rooms remains to be seen.
Either way, Rich's question is worth keeping in mind. Whether we're raising children, leading teams or serving customers, perhaps our greatest opportunity isn't getting better at leading horses to water.
It's getting better at creating thirsty horses.
If you stopped chasing tomorrow, what would motivate your team and customers to keep moving?
At my Marketing & Sales Workshop on 25 November at Workshop17, Kloof Street, Cape Town, we'll work on making your sales message clearer and easier for your team to use, with AI helping along the way. There are 5 seats left. Book your seat and bring the message you're currently using.
Regards,
PG
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